halofanonfandomcom-20200223-history
Talk:Kyle Craig
instead. Take a look at the link I've provided and provide some more details from there. *The whole thing about Kyle's medical records indicating his aggressiveness really comes out of nowhere, since there's no real mention of him being like this beforehand. Furthermore, 'Smoothers' refers to the very specific cocktail of drugs designed to counteract Gamma Company's mind-altering augmentations, not general antipsychotic medication. Considering the trauma involving the death of both of his mothers and having to kill his father, you could probably get away with Craig having some instability that surfaces during the war (they wouldn't let a clearly unstable person into the military of course) that ONI chooses to use for their own purposes when they send him undercover. *Aside from being almost certainly based on the name of a movie, it's not really explained why Craig was given the alias of 'Jack Reacher' if they were going to put him right into a Spartan team anyway. Why change his name for no reason? Due to their noticeable physical stature, Spartans aren't exactly the best undercover operatives, though there's no mention of him being anything but a regular Spartan operative until his capture. I'd do away with the alias entirely unless it's going to be used later. *After he's captured by the Insurrection, perhaps they exploit his already-traumatised mind as they attempt to brainwash him instead of him going mad from the lack of Smoothers. *In the 'Capture and Escape' section you repeatedly use the word 'Innies'. This is an informal term that would likely see use in conversation but wouldn't be present in a descriptive article. Try using 'Insurrectionists', 'Rebels', or some other descriptive term for them instead. Oh, and as a side-note for this section, the anime picture for Kyle is a tad jarring compared to the rest of the images used for him on the page. Try to remain consistent in the type of image you use for characters. *Your 'Jaeter Defence Munitions Heist' section (and a few others, looking down) is just one big block of text. Break it up into more readable paragraphs. Same for any very lengthy text parts on the page; I tend to break up paragraphs every five lines or so. *You have Kyle taking part in a raid on October 31st, 2558. Just so you're aware, three days earlier the Created began their campaign of subjugation against the rest of the galaxy, which would likely render any operations on Earth near-impossible. I'm unsure as to how you'd deal with this, though perhaps Kyle and his compatriots used the chaos caused by the subjugation of Earth (presuming their was much, since we're still really unsure how bad things are there) to steal as much as possible and run. It might just be easier if you changed the date to some earlier point though and consider a few rewrites since everything about this robbery honestly reads like something copied out of a movie set in the 21st Century, not something happening on a heavily watched and protected 26th Century Earth. *There is no mention of the 'Order of the Assassins' before the 'Life on Sanghelios' section to indicate Craig's prior involvement with them. I'll assume that that's meant to be detailed in the unfinished section above, though *The section with Kyle being broken out of cryosleep by the AAL is a bit of a mess, since you repeat yourself quite a lot in these paragraphs - the term 'AAL member' comes up a lot. *If ONI wanted to know Kyle's location at all times after getting him out of cryosleep to go after someone, they'd do much better than just a single ankle bracelet. There are long-range tracking substances like that can keep an eye on people from massive distances, though the bracelet might suffice for short-range excursions. ---- These are mostly just comments based on things I've picked up so far from the biography section alone, so I may add more later regarding Kyle's personality segments too since there's a few inconsistencies with his character that need to be addressed. I hope this helps! }}